This weekend started out at UCSF Mount Zion campus, having an echocardiogram to see if I have Pulmonary Hypertension. My tech was amazing and then it was time for my florist/bridesmaid/best friend duty to begin. My best friend, Pickle, got married yesterday and it was the most perfect California day, with sunny blue skies and a faint breeze. She wore the most beautiful lace, tea length dress, with a silk bow and pearl buttons. I had the privilege of arranging all flowers for this special occasion and it wouldn’t have been possible without my mom or K. The nuptials of Mr. & Mrs. Pickle made me forget that I am sick, even if just for a couple of hours. Their love is steadfast and something I’ve been lucky to witness, since the beginning.
On totally different note… I became very ill on Friday. I complained to K that my ear was hurting, but kind of put everything on the back burner because of the exciting weekend ahead. On Saturday, while walking to Starbucks with my friend S, I mentioned that I wasn’t feeling well and once again that my ear was hurting. It wasn’t until later than evening that I checked out my throat and found the culprit of my ear pain. I have a dime sized apthous ulcer on the inside of my mouth, adjacent to my right ear, I also have one on the side of my tongue. These ulcers cause immense pain, pain that demands to be felt. I can’t eat, drink, or even talk without pain shooting throughout my entire body. These apthous ulcers are caused from my body attacking itself, they are usually accompanied by an uncontrolled fever, which I have had for six days.
This is what terminal illness looks like. Its ugly and raw. Its life sucking. It’s living daily life at a 12 pain level. It humbles you and reminds you that you are not superwoman.