Scars to your beautiful.

This weekend started out at UCSF Mount Zion campus, having an echocardiogram to see if I have Pulmonary Hypertension. My tech was amazing and then it was time for my florist/bridesmaid/best friend duty to begin. My best friend, Pickle, got married yesterday and it was the most perfect California day, with sunny blue skies and a faint breeze. She wore the most beautiful lace, tea length dress, with a silk bow and pearl buttons. I had the privilege of arranging all flowers for this special occasion and it wouldn’t have been possible without my mom or K.  The nuptials of Mr. & Mrs. Pickle made me forget that I am sick, even if just for a couple of hours. Their love is steadfast and something I’ve been lucky to witness, since the beginning.

On totally different note… I became very ill on Friday. I complained to K that my ear was hurting, but kind of put everything on the back burner because of the exciting weekend ahead. On Saturday, while walking to Starbucks with my friend S, I mentioned that I wasn’t feeling well and once again that my ear was hurting. It wasn’t until later than evening that I checked out my throat and found the culprit of my ear pain. I have a dime sized apthous ulcer on the inside of my mouth, adjacent to my right ear, I also have one on the side of my tongue. These ulcers cause immense pain, pain that demands to be felt. I can’t eat, drink, or even talk without pain shooting throughout my entire body. These apthous ulcers are caused from my body attacking itself, they are usually accompanied by an uncontrolled fever, which I have had for six days.

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This is what terminal illness looks like. Its ugly and raw. Its life sucking. It’s living daily life at a 12 pain level. It humbles you and reminds you that you are not superwoman.

2 thoughts on “Scars to your beautiful.

  1. I would think you have people tell you I am praying for you and they very well are praying for you and probably prays everyday. I am going to be one of your people as well that is praying for you.
    God has a plan in your life just as he has a plan for mine. And today God has brought you in my life to pray for you.

    When I pray I pray Father God your will be done, you be all your beautiful child needs today. Hold her close and breath your breathe of love and healing to her heart, soul, Body and mine. Help her Father Jesus to want for nothing and hold her so close she feels your breath on her face. Jesus you bore the strips on the cross and your word says by my strips you will be healed. Jesus we know your healing comes in your most perfect ways. Heart, Body, Soul and Mind.
    Father Jesus I pray in your name Amen

    Like

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